The Soda Explosion Project Mach 51
by I am the Poptart
Summary: The boys make cola explosions, Doof steals Mentos, and Candace and Albert watch an infomercial.
1. Chapter 1

**Poptart notes: The infomercial is based on one I saw for a product called "Alumalloy". It was boring as a pile of bricks, but for whatever reason, you couldn't change the channel.  
I apologize for the amount of lameness in this first chapter. I'm also sorry that I don't hate Albert.**

"Hey, guys!"

"Oh, hi, Irving!" Phineas greeted his acquaintance as cheerfully as ever. The young boy sat under the large tree in his backyard, with his brother next to him, while his other friends were scattered over the yard. Irving had just walked into the yard, with Albert close behind.

"That's funny," Phineas said, "I thought the fence was locked."

"It was!" Irving replied in a casual tone, prompting Phineas to smile nervously. "So wat'cha—" Isabella whipped around, casting an icy glare at him. "—I mean, err, uh, are you doing anything?" Irving stuttered, correcting himself.

"That's the weird thing, Irving; we don't seem to know. Ferb and I have no pages left in our plan book."

"Oh, that's so terrible." Albert cut in with his usual tone. "Now I'm here without anything interesting to watch."

Linda then stepped outside into the driveway. "Oh, Irving." She said as she was at the car door. "You kids be good. I'm off to the convenience store. Your friends are allowed to go in if they're careful."

"Excellent." Albert said as she pulled out of the driveway. "If you don't mind, I'll be going inside. Call for me when something actually happens." He slammed the door behind him.

There was a pause.

"Jerk." Said Baljeet.

"Seriously?" Irving asked. "You've got nothing planned?"

"Well, there are two things;" Ferb spoke. "Look for some more Mentos, and wonder where Perry is." Presently, everyone looked around the yard. Indeed, the platypus was gone.

/

He had jumped onto the back of Mrs. Flynn's car, and was riding easily on the back, until they drove by the bus stop. Perry jumped off, and gave his fare when the bus stopped. He then hopped onto a seat, and then waited until the next stop, where he arrived at a public mailbox. He leapt in, and, after swimming through a paper cut sea, came into the lair.

Monogram was on the monitor. "Good morning, Agent P. There has been a significant drop in the Mentos-level in the entire Tri-State area. This has hit Carl fairly hard—"

"How am I supposed to have minty-fresh breath now?" The college student cried from off-screen.

"We figured it's Doofenshmirtz, because, you know, it's always Doofenshmirtz. Go out there and get him, Agent P." Perry saluted his officer and fled the room.

/

"Hello? Hello?" Albert called aloud. When he finally wandered into the living room, he was surprised to see Candace lying out on the couch. "Candace?"

"Oh. It's you again, dweeb. Albert, right?" Candace's eyes never left the television as she flickered through the channels.

"The very same." Albert said in a smug tone, bowing low before her.

"How cute. What're you doing in my house?"

"It seems that your brothers are up to…nothing." Candace swung her legs off the couch, and Albert sat next to her.

"Ugh, I know. I've been through this episode before." Candace grunted, and her pressing of the "Channel +" button became more violent. "Trying to get them to do something doesn't work, believe me. So I just have to be bored to death until bedtime."

"Sorry to hear that."

There was a silence between the two as Candace flipped through channels. She stated their medium aloud as the stations flew past.

"Bad news, worse news, sad news, stupid news, commercial, stupid kid's show about a yellow guy, stupider show about two little boys, commercial, commercial, commercial, commercial, rock concert—just joking, commercial—commercial, commercial, infomercial." Candace stopped suddenly on the last one. It was fairly standard—just video of the product being used (a welding tool) while a woman who was half asleep chattered on in the background. Still, Candace did not change the channel, and Albert didn't tell her to.

In fact, they were both paying rapt attention.

/

"Hm, Mentos, huh?" Phineas thought aloud. "I think I feel an idea coming on…"

"Yeah, have an idea Phineas!" Irving encouraged him. "You can do it!" Phineas glanced around the yard. Isabella humming, Ferb…ferbing, Buford shaking up a soda bottle and releasing it all on Baljeet's face…Wait! That was it!

"Ferb! I finally figured out what we're going to do today!" Irving squeaked with delight.

"…Please don't do that." Phineas said. "Now, all we'll need is a few thousand fifty-five liters of diet soda, a few billion Mentos, and somebody with a Degree in Art and Professional Design!" Ferb quickly held up a certificate.

"Excellent! Okay, team, time to make the world's first…Soda-fountain masterpiece!


	2. Chapter 2

**This…is a nice surprise. I'd figured this'd be another one of those things that I type up and then people just skip right over it. But I've gotten a fairly decent response from those who have read it. Great!**

**Maya Serena: Just an infomercial. OF SINISTER PURPOSES. I'll explain in a minute. Also, to your first question, it was late and I was tired when I was typing this up, so I cut off the chapter before actually getting to that point. There's really no reason why this whole thing should take any more than a single chapter.**

/

_Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated~!_

Perry, after a quick jazz musical sting, leapt through the open window of the building. However, he couldn't ever reach the ground—that's sort of tough to do when you've gotten stuck to a piece of flypaper suspended by a hook in the middle of a room.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus!" The scientist stepped out from his shaded corner of the room. "I see I draw you like honey draws _flies_." He cackled at his own pun. "Get it? Flies? Because you're stuck on…" He sensed the agent's unamused glare, even from behind flypaper. "Ah, forget it. Anyway, I might as well show you my new invention. But you can't see it, because you're stuck to, you know, flypaper, so I'll just describe it for you. It's this big, orange, invention-shaped thing in the middle of the room with the word "Distractinator" written on it. And it is, in fact, the DISTRACTINATOR!" There was a now a dramatic musical sting and a shot of lightning.

"Oh, sorry, Perry the Platypus; I forgot to shut that window." Doofenshmirtz presently closed and locked the window. "You know, it's funny, I thought weather guy would get it wrong today, but there it is—rain, plain as day." Doof sighed.

"Anyway, you must be wondering what this thing is supposed to do. Well, see, I've been trying to get into shoplifting lately. It's so much better than paying with how bad the economy is! But you know what happens? Before I even make it past checkout, someone catches me! It's so annoying! And it doesn't just happen with acts of theft; it's been happening lately with all my acts of evil! Decintigratorinating my weeds! Not paying for parking meters! Parking in handicapped spaces! Oh, I'm so sick of it. So, I built this machine that will air, all across the tri-state area, an infomercial so boring, no viewer will be able to stop watching!"

"What, you may ask? Well, it's very simple. I was looking up things on this website, and it talked about his one thing, where something is 'so bad it's good'. Like, you're watching this really cheesy movie, with a lot of clichés and bad acting and terrible special effects and stuff, but it's so cheesy that it's funny, and you like it! So, I thought, 'Hey, Doof! What if you made it 'so boring it's fascinating'? All you have to do is find the most boring thing ever!' And lo and behold, I found it! It's some infomercial about this welding thing; the woman sounds bored too. Now, with the infomercial airing across all of Danville and the surrounding counties, everyone will be too preoccupied to stop me from my acts of horror! Besides, you're the only person whose business it is to catch me, Perry the Platypus, so I'm doing this for you, too."

The platypus spoke not.

"Oh, shut up. Plus, it's environmentally friendly. The Danville Health Department threatened to sue if I used any more than two gallons of oil in my machines, and my neighbors are threatening to sue if I steal any more of their electricity. I mean, I own the place, but I still don't wanna get sued. So I modified it so it runs on Mentos…which I tried to shoplift."

"And do you know what the greatest part is, Perry the Platypus?" Doof smirked triumphantly. "You are already too late to stop me! I activated the machine before you even arrived!" And, being the clear victor, Doof laughed maniacally at his fortune.

/

"Alright guys. Gigantic soda bottles spread across town?" Phineas called out from atop the tallest building in the city.

"Check." Isabella called back.

"Actual soda content?"

Buford belched. "Check."

"Intriguing and artistic arrangement?"

Some ways away, Ferb gave a thumbs-up. "Check!" Baljeet hollered.

"Millions of Mentos?"

Nobody spoke. "What? We don't have any Mentos at all?"

"No; no we do not." Irving sighed grievingly. "I looked all over town and couldn't find a single one!"

Phineas scratched the area of his head where normal people had chins. "None whatsoever. Weird."

"What do we do now?" Isabella asked. Phineas shrugged.

"No Mentos, no show. But who knows? Maybe we'll get lucky! I hope so, anyway; because we rented those giant hoses for cleanup off of Django's dad." Phineas pointed down at several over-enlarged fire hoses sitting on the sidewalk.

"Hey, where is Candace?" Baljeet asked.

"Or Albert, for that matter?" Irving added.

/

"Watch as the marvelous ToolThingy puts this broken car axel together with ease. You may or may not have noticed, but every single grain that falls from the blade of ToolThingy is fine. Thousands of these grains fall from this, of which we have several buckets full back in the studio parking garage and storage. These fine grains ensure a job well done, as does the temperature of precisely 567.687679 degrees Fahrenheit that the blade reaches while in its spinning motion. It is this motion that…" The woman droned on in utter and absolute monotone over the video of the repairs. Albert and Candace were still on the couch, paying far more attention to it than what would've considered healthy for them.

Neither had said a word the entire time.

"Candace?" Albert finally spoke in a hoarse voice (for he hadn't said anything in over thirty-five minutes).

"Yeah?"

"Why…why can't we stop WATCHING?"

"It's…interesting."

"Yeah, right." Albert agreed. There was then another pause. "WHY is this so interesting?"

"I…I have no idea, Albert."


	3. Chapter 3

**Poptart Notes: Still going good. Though I'm currently thinking about writing another story, I'm a little stuck for an opening. Might take a little longer to post than what I wanted to. But who cares 'bout that, anyway…**

/

"—AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…HAHA…ha…ha…ugh." The scientist's laughter finally died down. To his disappointment, the platypus hadn't moved a single inch.

I mean, sure, he was stuck to fly paper, but that was no excuse to be a jerk and not put up a fair fight.

"You're no fun, Perry the Platypus."

/

Somewhere at about the four-minute mark, Buford snapped. "WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOME LUCK FOREVER!"

"Uh, Buford," Phineas pointed out, "we started four minutes ago."

"Four-oh-one; now five minutes." Irving added. Buford gasped.

"That's even worse! I just missed a whole sixty seconds of my favorite soap! Look here, Dinner-bell," he pointed threateningly at Phineas, "if this thing don't end up working within the _next _four minutes, I'll juggle you by the point of your weird, triangle-shaped head!"

Isabella promptly gave him a piercing slap across the backside of his head.

"Ow! Violent, much…" Buford muttered, rubbing his sore spot.

"No, no; Buford has a point. We set the project up, and there's no use letting it go to waste." Said Phineas, scratching at his chin-area-place again.

"That's not what I meant at all!" Buford exclaimed before getting smacked again.

"Ferb, what do you think should be done?" Phineas called over to his step-brother, who remained several buildings away. By way of response, he pulled out a pogo-stick from absolutely nowhere, and pogoed across the buildings until he came to Phineas. He then pulled out a blueprint (from nowhere as well) and handed it to his sibling.

"Well, when'd you come up with this?" Phineas asked, unrolling the paper. Ferb shrugged. "A mechanical shaker? Ferb! You're a genius!" Phineas then rolled the paper back up, stating, "Alright, guys—and girl—Ferb and I know what else we're going to do today!"

"Awesome!" Irving shouted. Phineas paused.

"…Well, that's better than the delighted squealing. Okay everyone, back to the backyard!"

/

"You know what? You know what you are, Perry the Platypus? You're just rude. Flypaper or not, I'm still giving you a perfectly good chance to attack me." Doof was still aggravated, and Perry still was attached to the flypaper. "Really, nothing? Nothing to say for yourself? Okay, fine." The scientist walked behind the space where the platypus was suspended. "See? I'm right here. Unarmed. Go ahead. Clobber me." There was another pause. "Oh come on! That was pathetic! I really expected a whole lot better from _you_, Perry the Platy—OOF!" at that moment, the doctor was kicked in the back of his head, hitting the ground. To his surprise, he saw that the platypus had made himself free; and when he turned, he saw a false platypus stuck fast to the flypaper. "Another decoy?" he asked in amazement. "Nope, still doesn't make sense."

/

"…And experts say that no other form of metal will have this effect on both other metals and nonmetals alike, and no other metal can shape without piercing over ninety-seven point nine-nine-nine-nine-nine percent of all tested objects. To boost this percentage to a more desirable ninety-eight point nine-nine-nine-nine-nine-nine percent, it has been theorized and tested that inserting the ToolThingy into your nearest freezer will raise your chances of a clean welding experience. It is also beyond the realm of any physical possibility for the blade to spin in any other direction than its eternally set clockwise…"

"Candace! Hey, Candace!" Phineas opened up his front door and called into the living room. "Ferb and the rest of us are about to make giant, mechanical arms for shaking giant, non-mechanical soda bottles! Want to help?"

"No." Candace's eyes didn't leave the screen.

"Oh," Phineas said cheerfully, "okay! What about you, Albert?"

"No." Albert replied, eyes remaining on the screen as well.

"Oka-aaa-y," Phineas called back before closing the door.

There was a pause.

"Hey, you just ignored an opportunity to bust your brothers." Albert pointed out.

"Yep." Candace said. There was then another pause.

"I feel like I should be scared."


	4. Chapter 4

**Poptart Notes: Nothing to really say here. Except that I might launch a fanfiction series sometime soon. Hooray!**

/

Doof jumped at the platypus with a rolled-up newspaper. "Eat NEWSPRINT!" He exclaimed. Perry dodged quickly and calmly, then noticing several Mentos scattered across the floor. He picked them up and threw them into the enemy's eyes. The scientist screamed. "GYAAAH! MINTY FRESH!"

He stumbled backwards, landing on his bum in a trash can. Doof suddenly grinned. "You are a fool, Perry the Platypus," he began, "for garbage cans are an ideal place to find useful weapons!" He pulled himself out and began to fish around inside the can. "Okay, so if I could just find a glass bottle or a can or something…AHA!" He turned menacingly to the platypus. "Now, Perry the Platypus, PREPARE TO FACE YOUR DOOM!"

He brandished an old banana peel, which he and the platypus both stared at briefly.

Doof threw the peel out ahead of him. "Heck with it." He stuffed his hand into the garbage again.

"Prepare to face your doom…NOW!" The scientist now brandished a ray gun. "Oh, hey, would you look at this? Well, what is something like this doing lying around this trash?"

/

"Looks like we're all set!" Phineas announced from atop his building. "Great job getting the bottles in there, Baljeet!"

Baljeet was panting, lying on his back next to Ferb on their building. "Th-thanks." He managed to gasp out.

"I still can't believe Candace wouldn't participate this time." Phineas sighed. "I wonder what she and Albert did while we were in the back yard."

_/_

_A good amount of whirring was going on from outside. Candace and Albert remained seated on the couch. Then there was a loud screeching, then a banging, and then a loud "KAPOW". Albert leaned over, took the remote, and turned the volume up._

/

"Oh well. Ferb! Do you have the remote?" His step-brother gave him the thumbs up. "Fantastic! Commence pressing in five—" Phineas stopped short when he looked over at Irving, who wore a very anxious facial expression. "I'm sorry; did you want to do it, Irving?" Irving nodded rapidly, and, without even waiting for Phineas' O.K, began shouting, "FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE! PUSH THE BUTTON, FERB!"

_Click!_ Right on cue, Ferb pushed the button, and the arms began moving and shaking.

"…Well. That was anticlimactic." Buford noted.

"Alright, team," Phineas announced, "Get ready to pull the caps in…Irving do you want to do this one, too?"  
"No, I'm fine now."  
"Okay. Pull caps in…Ten! Nine! Eight!"

/


	5. Chapter 5

Poptart Notes: **…Apparently, "Rollercoaster: The Musical!" is available on YouTube and on demand in English. Must…resist…impulse…for…just…six…more…days…**

**Reviews. Leave them. NAO**

/

"Perry the Platypus, your fate is inevitable. And by inevitable I mean…inevitable…" Doof paused to briefly consider his own sentence. "Uh…I HAVE A LASER!" And with that, he pulled the ray gun's trigger.

_Click!_

Then, absolutely nothing happened. Both the platypus and the scientist stared blankly at the gun. Doof pulled the trigger a few more times before throwing it back over his shoulder.

"No wonder I threw that away."

Perry made a running jump at the mad doctor's face, slapping him across the eyes with his tail.

"OW! Why do _you_ get to have the amazing-all-purpose tail here, huh? Some of us don't get to have such nice things, you know!"

The platypus did not reply—oddly enough, he could not speak—as he jumped into the garbage can, much to Doof's confusion.

"Perry the Platypus?" He cautiously approached the trash. "Have you gone mad?"

There was a brief pause as the platypus rustled through the rubbish. Doof peered in. Hey, who wants their only nemesis to unintentionally drown in garbage? Then, the scientist felt a sudden blow to the top of his head which sent him reeling backwards. When Doof regained his focus, he saw that the agent had hit him with the back of a screwdriver.

"A _screwdriver_?" Doof asked, dumbfounded. "Who around here is throwing all these random things in the trash?"

"It isn't randomly throwing things into the trash!" A certain robotic assistant called from the next room over. "It's spring cleaning!" Doof buried his face in his palm.

"It's July, Norm."

/

"Seven! Six!" Phineas went on, while some of the Fireside Girl Troupe began to grab the caps of the bottles.

"Hey, has anyone else ever noticed how those Fireside Girls can never be seen or mentioned once, and when we need some extra hands, they're suddenly right there?" Buford suddenly asked. Isabella beamed.

"It's because we're efficient."

Buford contemplated this.

"Seems more like magic to me. Or maybe a scripting error."

"What are you talking about?" Baljeet asked. By way of response, Buford punched him on the shoulder. There was a pause.

"Hey, weren't you on a separate building?" Buford asked.

/

"…And thusly, the car axle is repaired. In the before and after pictures, you will notice that there is now not a single visible difference between the two images. But, as you know, one was taken before the car axle was broken by the elephant stampede, and the other photograph was captured after the ToolThingy repaired it. Now, to repair the rest of the vehicle…"

"Candace, how long has it been?" Albert asked. Candace paused, calculating the number of minutes past in her head.

"Uh, maybe a couple of hours?"

"Oh." There was a quick silence. "You know, infomercials usually aren't this long." Albert pointed out.

"I know."

And they resumed watching.


	6. Chapter 6

**Poptart Notes: Town's been iced over, and therefore, I have no school! It is now NATIONAL P&F UPDATING DAY! *fanfare***

**NeoPhisabella: AND WE DID, AND IT WAS AWESOME**

**Maya Serena: Everybody, let's give a hand to Norm! Everybody give it up for Norm! Psh, you think it's an interesting idea? UNHEARD OF *eyes go all darty***

**Read and review, I beggeth thee.**

/

Doof attempted to his full ability to dodge, but a platypus with a screwdriver is just too dang agile. Twice more he was struck in the head, and once in the leg. Then, all at once, Perry just threw the screwdriver right at his head. The scientist ducked, and he was not hit.

His Distractinator, however, was struck by the sharp end of the tool, right in the control panel. It immediately began to shake and spark.

"Oh, wonderful." The mad doctor groaned at length. "Now the machine is probably going to explode all over the place, isn't it? Well, I guess I'd better take this time to—" Here, Doof just broke into a run "—ESCAPE!" However, he didn't get very far, as the banana peel that he had thrown earlier was right in line with the way he was running. He failed to notice, and of course, he slipped, face colliding with the still-exploding Distractinator.

"Yes." He stated flatly. "Of course. And I suppose you've already escaped, Perry the Platypus?" Doof sat up a bit from the floor and turned his head, only to get a last glimpse of Perry jumping from the balcony and releasing his parachute.

"Yep. Just what I thought. Well, curse you Perry the Platypus; curse you and that meddling banana peel."

And on that note, the machine exploding, sending a shower of Mentos through the atmosphere of Danville.

/

"…Three, two, one!" Phineas finally finished the counting down with a dramatic hand gesture. The Fireside Girls now screwed the caps off completely, and just as the over-shaken soda was about to rocket into the air, the suddenly came a white shower from above.

"Mentos?" Isabella asked.

"I…this…I have no idea what is going on anymore." Irving shook his head.

"How does one get Mentos into the sky to begin with?" Baljeet inquired with one eyebrow raised.

Well, as good as those questions were, they were not to find any answers. So, instead they all just watched as the mints fell into the bottles, and then as all the soda-pop rocketed straight upward. And the combined forces of the shaken-ness and the spontaneous Mentos were enough to send it straight into space.

/

"…To order, call—" There was a burst of fuzz in the sound right before the television went to static. Simultaneously, the two teenagers leaned their heads back and moaned.

"I just wasted two thousand years of my life!" Candace exclaimed.

"What kind of idiot even lets their car get stuck in an elephant stampede?" Albert demanded. "What kind, television, _what kind?_"

"Wait." Candace suddenly straightened up. "What _were_ my brothers doing?"

"Well, we were trying to make soda explosions." Phineas' cheerful voice explained from behind her. Candace turned to see him and the rest of the kids in the doorway.

"Oh, you were?" Candace asked slowly, hand already at the pocket where her cell phone was.

"Yeah, but the thing is, it just shot into space—oh, there's Perry!" The platypus had, indeed, walked back into the room. The boy picked him up with an affectionate look.

"It shot into space?" Candace repeated questioningly.

"We can't really explain it either." Phineas shrugged.

"If you ask me," Ferb finally spoke up, "It was the miracle we were waiting for."

/End Story\

**Poptart Footnotes: I'm sorry for the weakness of this ending. It's a little early for my brain. I'm working on something else, and I promise you, the ending will be better.**


End file.
